Too Much Outer Game Equals BAD Results!

Marni Kinrys

I am constantly getting emails from men around the world asking for advice on women. I thought I would share one of these emails with you because I think it is something you can learn from.

This email was written by a 26 year old man in London. He totally has his outer game down pat and his actions should be able to get him most women he wants. Pay attention to the negs he uses, because these are lines you may want to incorporate into your routine.

The one thing he does not have down is how to transition from outer game to a more substantial “connecting” with the girl he’s persuing. Without this connecting, your outer game will be wasted.

If you cannot transition from being the entertainer to being the man, then you will never truly be successful with women. Below is his email to the Wing Girls, and my response follows.

Dear Wing Girls,

It was a singles’ social boat cruise, and the following are the events that happened with one of the cuties I am really interested in. Need some opinion how to pick up the momentum.

Thursday Night: It was a singles’ social event, and I was moving around groups of women, busting on them and teasing some. This particular cutie that caught my eye I approached by grabbing her by her arm and telling follow me. She came along willingly.

Me: Why were you avoiding me all night?
Her: I was not, you were busy running around with other girls.
Me: Wait, are you single?
Her: Yes, of course
Me: You better be, otherwise I have to kick you off the boat!
Her: [laughs]
Me: Are you a Good girl or a Nice girl?
Her: Naughty but nice.
Me: Do you speak English?
Her: Yes. [giggles]
Me: Choose one then…good or nice?
Her: Nice I guess?
Me. Do you know the difference?
Her: You tell me.
Me: Good Girl goes out, comes home and sleeps, a Nice Girl goes out, sleeps and comes home.
Her: [laughs]
Me: Do you know the difference between a Good Secretary and a Nice Secretary?
Her: No, go ahead.
Me: Good Secretary will say, “Good morning, Sir,” and a Nice Secretary will say, “It’s morning, Sir.”
Her: [laughs]

Then we have a chat about where she is staying, her ethnic mix, and places she has traveled. She turns out to be Singaporean and British. Then I say, “I bet you suck at Thumb-wrestling!”

Her: Bring it on.
Me: I do not play without a wager.
Her: What is the wager?
Me: Loser buys dinner.
Her: OK
Me: No Cheating! Best out of 3, GO!

We wrestle, and it’s 1 - 1. Last round…I start to tickle her and wrestle/hug her. It’s good fun with some tension. I lose on purpose cuz I tickled her. I say ok, give me your number and we’ll set something up. We part.

The next hour, we exchange glances and I throw a few “I’m watching you” and “Stay out of trouble” lines at her, at which she giggles (most probably from a nice dosage of alcohol consumption.)

Friday: Cool off

Saturday: Message her to check if she got home alive and ask for her email address. She replies ok and gives me her email address.

Sunday Morning: Call and leave a message. She calls back and we have a chat about setting a date, but we both have commitments. She mentions briefly to touch base next weekend if we can do something together. I say, “Ok, we’ll see.”

I then ask her what is she up to? It’s almost noon, and why is she lazing like a pig? She giggle and says she has plans with some friends to watch Sex and the City.

Me: So which character best describes you?
Her: I dunno, what do you think?
Me: I think you are a Samantha in Charlotte disguise.
Her: Noooooo, No one likes to be her, its not nice.
Me: Are you judging her? You are even more evil.
Her: Nooo hahah etc.
Me: I gotta go, got training, will call and catch up.

I text her later telling her I had to cut her short cuz I was dealing with London traffic. TOURIST. Will call at night to catch up and have some stimulating conversations. End with Charlotte and a wink.

Called her at 22:30, went to her voice mail, I say, “Ahh, playing hard to get? Cheeky! Holla back!” Not heard from her since.

Tuesday 11PM, sent her a funny text: “It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you, a man who is great in the sack. It’s also important that these 3 men should never meet! How are you doing?” Did not receive any reply.

Any opinion as to how I can pick my game up again?

I will share my response a little later, but I wanted to use this email to show you an example of how many men can get carried away with too much outer game. So carried away that they lose the girl.

Listen, I am the first one to admit I LOVE THE GAME!! I love the banter, the butterflies, the negging, all of it. It is fun, but only for a night, maybe two tops. After that, I need something a little more substantial.

When I met Mystery at David DeAngelo’s seminar, where we were both speaking, I can honestly say he captivated me.

He was able to pull me away from a crowd of people, talk with me for two hours, and keep me completely focused on him. I understand how his game works, and it worked on me.

It worked on me because it was fun and exciting and it challenged me. I did not feel madly in love with him, nor did I think we had a great connection, but I had an urge for him to like me, respect me and want me. But once we had separated, I did not think of him again.

His magic only worked for a short period of time because I had nothing real to latch onto so that I could feel connected. I was simply entertained.

I have many clients that have done several PUA programs. These men have no problems engaging and approaching women, but after that they are helpless. They do not know how to have real conversations, nor do they listen to women. Basically they have learned to tap dance for women, and once the dance is over the women leave.

I am a big fan of programs like Mystery’s because he teaches men to be comfortable in their own skins. He shows them they can be that guy they have always wanted to be. They are worthy and deserving of everything that others have. I would recommend his material to any one of my clients.

But… where his program falls short is that it does not teach men what to do next. It is hard to keep up banter. It gets exhausting.

I am going to give you a straight and honest female perspective.

As a man, you have to give women a little more than just a moment of entertainment. If your goal is to get a woman to sleep with you for an evening, then outer game works great! Routines, magic tricks, anything that captures your audience and gets them excited will work perfectly.

But if you are looking to be with a woman for a longer period of time you will never succeed without showing a bit more substance. This is what makes connecting with her possible, and without that, your outer game is useless.

Here is how I responded to the email above.

What I noticed from your email is that you need to STOP playing a game. Games like this are good in the moment. They are fun and entertaining and get a girl’s heart racing, but once this moment or period in time has passed, reality sets in and girls realize what this behavior really means. It means player, games, and sex with no phone call the next day.

Again, if you want to sleep with women, great tactic, but you need to move fast or the euphoric feeling will disappear. If your goal is to date and have relationships, then you are totally using the wrong approach.

Not sure what you were trying to accomplish. The routine you have described will totally get a girl back to your room if you take the right steps to lead her there. Seeing that you took your time makes me think you were looking for something more.

One other key thing I noticed was the Sex and the City joke. First, very impressed you knew the characters. Second, no woman wants to be referred to as a Samantha by a man who is trying to sleep with her. It makes her feel slutty and used. It also makes her think that there is only one thing on that man’s mind, and that makes her feel dirty. Women want to be in control of their own sexuality and know that they are being respected.

Do not pigeon hole women by telling them who they are. Let them tell you who they are. You will get way more out a woman that way. To save yourself from this comment, it would have been smart to send her better text that had more heart attached to it, more of the “real” you. I think you would have gotten a response.

What I try to teach to all of my clients is that balance is so important. Outer game is fun and exciting, and most women, especially the great ones, will engage in it. But every outer game needs to have some substance behind it. It’s all about connecting, because once you run out of outer game, you need to make sure you have something left.

Thank you for contacting The Wing Girl Method.

I will show you how important it is to have balance in the way you present yourself to women. Outer game is fun, exciting and most women, especially the great ones, will engage in it. But behind every show of outer game needs to be something of substance. Something a woman can hold onto that makes her feel that there is more to “this” male than games, banter and playfulness.

Are you ready to learn to balance your outer game with materials of substance?

Check out our new video course How To Become The Man Women Want. The Wing Girls will show step-by-step how to become a man of substance.

This video course has condensed 4 years of working with hundreds of men into 18 clear and concise minutes of material that will teach you how to become a man of substance. A man that is more than just outer game.

Remember, Wing Girls are here for you. We’re in your corner.

Marni Kinrys is the owner of the Wing Girl Method, currently based in the Los Angeles area, and has become one of the most well known females involved with the Pick Up and Seduction Community. She started out by giving lessons to her clueless guy friends, transforming them from social misfits to self confident attractive men. That's when she realized how big a need there was for men to have a blunt and honest female perspective on their dating lives and created the Wing Girl Method. For more information, check out Marni's Wing Girl Method website.